there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
