i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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