Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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