so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
