the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
