You just made me feel so damn special
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
