She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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