Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
