More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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