Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
