Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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