please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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