genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
