My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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