Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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