Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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