dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
