There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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