it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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