yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
