her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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