I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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