Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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