Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
