Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
