I think i peed on brittanys purse
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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