Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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