I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
