Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
