My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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