fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
