Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize