I need to stop coming to work sober
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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