I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize