i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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