she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
