so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
