I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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