you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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