I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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