my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
