We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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