I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
