ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's the barista slut.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
