That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
