I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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