Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I pour the whiskey from now on
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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