Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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