She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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