There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
