So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
