the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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