I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
