You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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