I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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