My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
