I cannot find my penis.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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