Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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