Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
