I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just google imaged poop.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
