Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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