Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
