Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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