I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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