I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
