I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
