So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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