I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
